Tag Archive: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Apr 18

How to Control Your Emotions by the Mindvalley Team

I have looked to add some guest posts to this blog. This post has been written by the Mindvalley Team. Mindvalley is one of the world’s fastest growing online publishing companies. Through a unique blend of conscious marketing, technology and a fun and quirky work culture, the Mindvalley team spreads enlightened ideas across the internet and beyond. This one is about how to control your emotions.

Please read and enjoy. This follows closely with many of the concepts I have posted on Emotional Intelligence.

Control Your Emotions

Controlling our emotions is essential to keeping ourselves calm and detached enough to make good decisions and do what we want or need to do. When we are constantly overrun by our emotional states, we lose our ability to think and act in an appropriate manner. Many people mistake their emotions for the reality of a situation, but emotions are really just intuitive cues that help us navigate our true needs and desires. A strong emotion indicates something we have either a strong desire for, or an aversion to. By reading these emotions we can better understand ourselves, but if we become our emotions, we miss out on a valuable opportunity to learn from our experiences.

Some emotions seem too powerful and overwhelming to control, but the fact is we are always in control. When an emotion arises or surprises us, we decide in that moment whether to run with it and talk to ourselves about it, or whether to bring into it and let it go. Emotions may arise in a reaction to something else, but they are fed with our thoughts. This means the moment we feel an emotion running away with us, we can stop, take a deep breath and stop our thoughts. When the mind stops, all that is left is the feeling, and it will run through us and then be gone.

We can also change our thoughts if we feel overwhelmed by an emotion or situation and can’t seem to let it go. A simple thought we can use is one of acceptance of ourselves, the others involved and the situation itself. This is simply done by saying something like, “I don’t like this, but I accept that it is this way, and I am ready to let go of my anger and fix it.” This is a statement that both let’s go of what is happening, and empowers us toward the solution. It is the perfect balance of accepting and owning what is happening.

We can also use simple breathing techniques to take us out of an emotion or out of thoughts that cause unhappy or unhealthy emotions. Counting the breath is one simple way to direct our attention toward something else. We can bring our focus to our breath and let the emotion do what it will. When we stay with our breathing, we no longer feed the anger, sadness, or fear that is overwhelming us. It can then pass through us as we feel it fully and let it go.

For times when we are incredibly upset, anxious, or physically, emotionally, and mentally worked up, we can use long, slow, deep breathing. Instead of counting the breath, we draw our attention to it and actively work to lengthen and deepen it. This means we close our eyes and slowly, deeply, consciously breath until we are calm again. Then we attempt to view or approach what is happening from a new angle. In this way we stay completely in control of our feelings and reactions.

The more we get ahold of how we are feeling and keep them from overrunning them, the easier this becomes. When our emotions are used to ruling the day and ruling us, they tend to take over in most situations. This is a problem, because emotions are not really meant to be the governing force of our lives, they are only meant to increase our experiences and to give us valuable clues in our decision making. Emotions are fickle, temporary, and often merely an initial reflex of our egos. While we can never discount emotion entirely, it is necessary to balance it with our reason, intuition, and higher minds.

Ego is a very reactionary, fearful, emotional part of our selves. Often, it uses emotions to take over and turn us inward and make us selfish or self-centered. If we let this happen, we will find ourselves constantly being worked into a state of unrest. This is our ego clinging to a self and holding onto to discontentment in order to keep us from being happy and getting what we want. It is a way we become limited, and give up our personal power. When we control our emotions, however, we make room for our truer, more powerful, positive selves to shine through.

Learn more stress relief techniques and easy techniques of relaxation

Feb 06

The Game within the Game: Mental Skills Training for Jr. “A” Hockey Players Part II: Skill-Set: Relaxation

by Mike Margolies

Last time I wrote about the overall contribution that Sport Psychology and Mental Skills Training can have on Jr. “A” Level Hockey Players. These are posts written specifically for JrHockey.com . It encompasses just a few of the things we are doing with the Cheyenne Stampede Hockey Club. This is Part II.

I talked about four important skill sets. Relaxation: Imagination/Visualization: Self-confidence: Concentration. Of course these are not the only skills an athlete needs to work on, but it was a good place to get started as they have great impact and the terminology is easy to understand. I don’t like to throw academic technical jargon around, so starting with two of the basics, I will take you through how an athlete can better understand themselves and use these important skills.

Relaxation: Here is a skill that, when lacking, frequently interferes with play. When a player is not relaxed, they lose the feel for what they are doing. It is difficult to yell at a player and get them to relax. It just doesn’t work. Instead, players can be functionally taught how to relax. Then, a simple reminder can help them shift their focus and use their training to calm down. When they are relaxed, they will have much more success with their touch, bringing the Game within the Game full circle. By being relaxed, they are able to focus on their touch and, of course, their self-confidence grows. One of the most important aspects regarding athletic performance is that of self awareness. Relaxation training is how I address this from the start of the journey with an athlete. An athlete discovers that they can recognized the differences in muscle tension, then mental tension, this progresses towards a better self awareness of everything to do with their sport. They begin to understand their thoughts better and can rationally understand the direction they are headed. Athletes are less affected then by negativity because of this increased level of self awareness. It begins with a simple clinching of a fist.

Have you ever wondered how an athlete can control their bodies so well? Have you thought that they can do incredible things and still look like they are relaxed even under high pressure situations? The truth is that many athletes have a phenomenal capacity to remain relaxed and control their bodies during competition. For many it is just something they learned along the way.

Some athletes have learned this process through things like yoga or meditation, but for most of them it has really been part of the process. Yet many still search for other ways to learn how to control their minds and bodies during practice and competition.

For many the secrets of relaxation have eluded them. Others have found it by accident. What most have discovered was that this process could be learned and rather simply. It can’t be that easy, I’ve heard again and again. The truth is that it is easy. It takes a little practice, but anything worth doing takes a little work.

The answer to the relaxation response athletes have been learning for 70 years is called progressive relaxation. Athletes learning this skill can better understand their bodies and also relax within minutes into a deep state of relaxation. They can notice tension in their body immediately and get rid of it. It gives them control. The point is that relaxation training is for all of us. It leads to great self awareness and this is primary to success in sports. I’ve been making tapes/cds/mp3s for athletes for over three decades to make the learning process faster and easier. Read the rest of this entry »

Aug 19

Which beast do you feed?

by Mike Margolies

This is an Old Native American Story, or so I am told. Various tribes would gather and they would pass down knowledge from one generation to the next about Sport Psychology.

I admit it. I stole this story off a Facebook post. I have heard the story of course many times before. The tribe, it seems often changes, depending on who tells the story. I am sure its origins come from my tribe, but we will leave that for future tales.

So it goes like this:

Early lessons in sport psychology

“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.”My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, inferiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, gratitude, truth, and compassion.” The grandson thought for a minute and then asked “Grandfather, Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Is there a beast needing to be fed inside you?

Read the rest of this entry »

May 17

Imagery more than Fantasy

by Mike Margolies

Isn’t it funny what will fire somewhat up? I saw a post about another sport psychologist doing a radio interview on imagery. As imagery is one of the most important skills an athlete can utilize, I decided to listen in. I am always more than willing to learn about new techniques to help athletes.

So why am I fired up. Because I heard the same perspective I’ve been hearing for years. The techniques lacked creativity in application and thought. Maybe I just didn’t listen close enough, but there was a lot I didn’t hear. The most important part of the interview came from the host and he was dead on In my opinion and the sport psychologist seemed to dismiss his ideas. So let me see if I can lay this out in an easy way for people to assimilate. The interviewer talked about when we were children and we used our imagination when we played. We didn’t just do it with sports, we did it when we were learning most everything that was important to us as a toddler as well. We pretended to be animals and we moved like them. We pretended to be cowboys and cowgirls. We were astronauts and pilots and racecar drivers and much more. We imagined pitching in the World Series, and winning NBA titles. For many, somewhere it seems to me around puberty, we stopped using our imaginations around sports. Maybe our focus shifted to academics or the opposite sex, but we got away from dreaming about playing games.

In most sport psychology programs an important skill taught is the use of imagery. Call it imagery rehearsal, visualization, mental rehearsal, guided imagery the process goes by many names. We teach this process with and without a relaxation procedure. We have athletes imagine a shot prior to taking it ala Jack Nicklaus and we have an athlete go into a deeply relaxed – hypnotic state to do their rehearsal and many things in between.

We use internal images asking the athlete to see things through their own eyes and on other occasions we suggest they watch themselves on TV. Both are valuable in their own time. I think the essence is understanding when to use one or the other. I teach imagery in each way. I am very NLP about this as I have said before in that I think it is important to use all of the senses. I want an athlete to see, hear, feel, smell and even taste their rehearsal. When they are learning something I would like them to watch it on TV. As they become more accomplished I think they need to shift to seeing through their own eyes, I have of course research to back this up that I conducted at the Olympic training center and at the University of Wyoming.

I do link this process most of the time with deep relaxation. There is a synergy of body awareness and an opening of the unconscious that is critical to success. Adding affirmations, suggestions about self confidence, working on coping behaviors are all additional benefits. Imagery more than fantasy is a hugely important tool for success in all that we do. Paying attention to negative images is also important and I’ll address that next.

Jan 24

Working with Athletes

by Mike Margolies

A quick tale to try to tie together what you have already seen. Back in the beginning, when I started working with Marv Clein as his assistant and graduate student I was introduced to a few athletes that were working with him at the time. One was a local high school track athlete and the other to my surprise was a professional tennis player. It started the conversation between us about what it is I wanted to do with my life. I told him I wanted to be a soccer or football coach. I had told him that there had to be a better way to train athletes. He asked me what I meant. I said that I had learned about relaxation and imagery techniques and I thought something like hypnosis held potential. I hadn’t really know much about these things. I had learned about relaxation in a motor learning class and had explored the possibilities. I’ll tell that story next time as I like it very much. He said he couldn’t help with the hypnosis (Marv did not elaborate, he never did when he didn’t want to), but he would let me watch him with an athlete with something he termed systematic desensitization process. Today of course I would argue that he was using a multiple form of guided imagery, hypnosis, SDP, CBT, NLP. I’m good with that, as Marv taught me to be very eclectic in my understanding of Sport Psychology. Find what will help an athlete and do that NOW. While we were never in a hurry, there was always a sense of urgency for the life of an athlete with regard to their athletic career is a short time line.

The next day after classes, Marv said let’s go for a ride and tossed me the keys to his Fiat Spider convertible. South he said. I was like a week in Denver, but I knew south. We headed to Colorado Springs to work with a figure skater. Marv had worked with several Olympic skaters in the past and this young woman had been one of them. We met with her and her choreographer and discussed training, coaching and figure skating politics. Marv was at home with everyone I saw him with and I knew I should be emulating him. The technique he used with her was Progressive Muscle Relaxation and as he said, SDP. It was really more of a coping rehearsal. He would have her visualize her performance to music and recover from faults. He spent perhaps 30 minutes with her and then the three of us discussed what she saw, felt and thought. It was really fascinating, but what I found equal to that was the way Marv worked me into the conversation. The skater, I don’t believe thought, I was some rookie out of California, but a trusted associate of Clein.

This experience taught me two things that have stayed with me all this time. Give help to those that seek you out and include them in the process. Mentoring might be one of the most rewarding ways of giving to even more athletes than just the ones you have time to work with during your time. It has to be what great coaches feel when their assistants go off to coach their own teams. I know this because while we were talking together, I caught a rare smile from Marv and at that point I think I knew the man who thought he wanted to be a great professional coach just changed professions.